Bout with Racism

It's a shame that so many aspects of popular culture throughout the years have been tainted by horrible stereotypes. From "The Birth of a Nation" to "The Passion of the Christ" to blackface cartoons and the Donger, but my generation found our stereotypes in video games.

One game in particular had the featured the worst ethnic stereotypes, Punch-out!

Let's take a look at some of the "enemies" we all "fought:"

Soda Popinski

This game was released during the Cold War, so this Soviet was depicted as a drunk, this was even more apparent in the arcade where his name was Vodka Drunkenski.

Quotes:
"I'm going to make you feel punch drunk!"
"I can't drive, so I'm gonna walk all over you!"
"I drink to prepare for a fight. Tonight I am very prepared!"

Piston Honda

This is particularly odd, since Nintendo was a Japanese company...

Quotes:
"I'll give you a TKO from Tokyo!"
"I still remember our first fight. Now I'm gonna make you pay back, Banzai!"
"Sushi, Kamikaze, Fujiyama, Nipponichi..."

Those are tame, compared to this:

Mike Tyson

This is no way to view African-Americans as crazy, lisping, violent thugs with high-pitched voices. Whoever made up this character should ashamed.

Quotes:
"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."
"Everyone knows you're a transvestite and you're in love with me."
"I can't wait til the 28th....I'm gonna make you my girlfriend."
"I think I'll take a bath in his blood."
"Being a champion opens lots of doors—I'd like to get a real estate license, maybe sell insurance."
"It's no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."
"I wanna talk nice to you, and talk about fornicating with you, and letting you suck my dick. 'Cause if I was eloquent with you, you would still look at me like a scumbag."
"I'll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I'd fight him too."
"I like the British bikes. I like British people. They're real mellow."
"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

Horrible things to be exposed to as a child.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg...even in the PC 90s, the sequels to Punch-out featured such characters as Pizza Pasta (Napoli, Italy), Bear Hugger (Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada), Dragon Chan (Hong-Kong, China), Gabby Jay (Paris, France), Bob Charlie (Kingston, Jamaica), Masked Muscle (Mexico City, Mexico), Aran Ryan (Dublin, Ireland), Narcis Prince (London, England).

In production for the Wii, is Ultra Punch-out! featuring the character: Hershel Bagelenloch (Far Rockaway, NY) who hits you with bags of money.

Ya got me!

Yesterday Fox 5 News' "Operation: Gotcha!" did a report on outdated food that really hit close to home.

Especially since the last time I was home, I found a bottle of butterscotch that expired in 1994.

Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem

Girlfriend: Dan! This isn't the first time I've asked you to stop doing muppet voices when we're making out!

An Open letter to Advertisers

Dear Advertisers,

Please stop using creepy German scientists in commercials.

Reminding people of the atrocities committed against their ancestors by using their oppressors as a spokesperson may have worked for KFC, but it doesn't sell credit card miles.

Maybe if you were advertising Bayer, it would be appropriate.

Cordially,
Daniel Weldon Bookbinder

This is it

What the world needs now is an internet video of celebrity doing meth, committing unspeakable sex acts with a minor, committing murder, then going on a racist rant.

It's time, Huey Lewis, it's time.

War Crimes

A&E and the History Channel have made so much money from the Holocaust they should pay reparations.

Hi-yo!

Web Presence: Short Film

I had so little to do with this, but I really dig it. Featuring Rob Huebel (Best Week Ever, Curb Your Enthusiasm)
and lots of other funny people, and me, in the classroom, with no lines.

Gutterball


By Joshua Goldfond.

Web Presence: Faux-Moc-Doc

3 Friends drive around the Nutmeg State looking for Nutmeg.

Watch and attempt to understand:

Nut Watch 2004

Web Presence: Music Videos

Since I'm in a self promotional mood, here's some music videos, I directed with my main man, Kurt Graser:

Supa- Making Movez


Waiting for Sully- Plan B


Waiting for Sully- The Interstate

Web Presence: Sketch Comedy

I finally caught up with 2005 and made myself a youtube account. Here's some sketches from my college group Runaway Shortbus:

Girls that Have Gone Wild


Saddam on MTV Cribs


Goal!


These are a little dated, since Saddam was executed, the Girls Gone Wild guy has been battling lawsuits, and I've gained 40 lbs, but still worth a look.

Pride (In the name of love)

One Dan woke up early this morning
One Dan works today
One Dan's company doesn't know the meaning
Of "Federal Holiday"