Scarlet Nuts

Sean: Oh it was an amazing game, though. You know, with 13 seconds left Jeremy Ito comes up for his second chance at a field goal. He steps up.
Will: Yeah, yeah.
Sean: And BAM! He clocks it. High ball through the uprights. Eighteen thousand people, on their feet, yellin' at the ball.
Will: Yeah, I've seen...
Sean: He's going, "Get over! Get over! Get OVER!" And then it goes through. They kick it off. Oh, they goes apeshit, and 18,000 fans, you know, they charge the field, you know?
Will: Yeah, and there's fuckin' bowlin' fans out of the way!
Sean: Goin', "God! Get out of the way! Get 'em away!" Banging people...
Will: I can't fuckin' believe you watched to that fuckin' game!
Sean: Yeah!
Will: Did you rush the field?
Sean: No, I didn't rush the fuckin' field, I wasn't there.
Will: What?
Sean: No - I was at the theatre at MSG watching Death Cab for Cutie.
Will: You missed Rutgers' biggest win ever?
Sean: Oh yeah.

The statue got me high

Hey statues, stop sitting on benches. Some people need a place to eat their lunch. Jerks.

Comeuppence

I never understood why women were so adament about leaving the toilet seat down, until today when I sat my bare ass on the toilet lid.