Friday, December 15, 2006

The art of managing people

Being 10 minutes late does not warrant a dirty look and the "tapping the watch" motion.

A tardiness of 10 minutes should not elicit any response, but if it is absolutely necessary to gesture, we recommend raised eyebrows and at MOST a shrug. In extreme circumstances the raised eyebrows can be combined with the shrug, but this should be used sparingly.

What I learned from Wikipedia (12/15/06)

- In Rastafarian ideology it is Queen Elizabeth II who is seen as the modern-day Whore of Babylon. This alleged relation between the Queen and the Whore was elucidated in Jamaica, where the Queen is the Head of state, and where the Rastafarian faith was founded. Rastafarians believe that Haile Selassie is not only their God but also their king, and therefore refuse to give their loyalty to the Queen.

- Jeph Loeb, producer of "Lost," "Heroes" and "Smallville" and writer of some of the best Batman stories ever written (IMHO) also wrote "Burglar," "Teen Wolf", "Commando," and "Teen Wolf Too."

I want his career.

- Other Jews (tongue-in-cheek) simultaneously acknowledge both the increasing secularization of the holiday season and their Jewish roots by wishing each other a "Happy Cholidays."

Happy Channukah!

Hey! What's in this drink?

"Baby Its Cold Outside" is definitely my favorite Christmas song about date rape.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

In honor of Peter Boyle

If I dip a cracker in chocolate mousse, would that be Pudding on the Ritz?

(See mom? The clean ones aren't as funny!)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Freebie

"Our waiter was so slow, by the time we got our food Guns N Roses 'Chinese Democracy' came out."

Ha!

From the Book Report Archives: 12/13/88

If Freddy Krueger ever tries to get me, I'm going to say "Get out of my dreams and into my car."

Then Billy Ocean and his cartoon duck can deal with him.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

This hand that fed me tastes delicious

December 12, 2006: Nancy Dubuc has been named executive vp and general manager at The History Channel. She had been senior vp, non-fiction programming and new media content at its parent company, A&E Television Network. (Mediaweek)

Wow, I thought AETN never hired from the inside.

I can't express how bad a decision this is. A&E is totally in the crapper and The History Channel is the real source of profit and they decide to promote a woman who thought a show about Evel Kneivel's son was "arts and entertainment."

Since I'm such an insider, I got a look at the 2007 programming:

Growing up Nazi

Opening historically closed doors into a very private world, Growing Up Nazi introduces viewers to one of Argentina's most intriguing families. This series takes an unscripted look inside the real life of Ilse Eichmann and her three sons. Those who only know her as the daughter of the late Adolf Eichmann are in for a surprise. Ilse is an author, an occasional TV correspondent, and a working mom.


Howard Zinn: BrainExploder

In each episode viewers will witness Howard Zinn as he captivates audiences with mind-boggling political analysis; goes behind-the-scenes as he researches and executes critical consciousness with his crew; and meet celebrity friends who drop by to willingly participate in his antics.


Doug the Book Hunter

You have heard the name. Now meet the legend as Doug Horowitz lets you enter his world.

This exciting series follows the real-life exploits of a librarian. Each episode features Doug and his posse risking their necks while trying to bring in fugitives from due dates. Capturing fugitives is no easy task, but Doug is a master at it. He employs strength, cunning, and the power of persuasion to catch his prey.

His work takes him into some rough spots—the front desk, the card catalogue, and the stacks. No matter where he goes, Doug tries to help out people when he can, when they'll listen. He's a big believer in second chances, having turned his own life around. After accruing late fees in a Masters program, Doug vowed to redeem himself by operating on the right side of the law. It is his own criminal past that inspires him to help the fugitives he hunts down to go straight. Doug strongly believes in the Dewey Decimal system, and he shows mercy to everyone he can.

No matter how much sympathy he has for his prey, Doug has to get the job done.


Berlin SS

The SS franchise on The History Channel is a relentlessly real life-on-the-line series of shows that brings viewers into the high-pressure day-to-day existence of FRANKFURT SS, MUNICH SS and STUTTGART SS. Witness as each episode reveals how practiced teamwork and overwhelming force can make the difference between life and death.

Members of each of the SS teams have one of the toughest jobs in law enforcement. Officers must be at the top of their game in their area of specialty-whether sniper, negotiator, or entry specialist-to safely accomplish each mission. Ride shotgun as the teams execute high-risk raids, apprehend communists, search for high-profile missing persons, and rescue Aryans. It takes a special type of person to put his or her life on the line day after day. FRANKFURT SS, MUNICH SS and STUTTGART SS give viewers an inside look at what it means to be a member of these elite police units.

But what happens after the mission is over? This series goes home with these highly trained officers as they try to manage their lives after their exhausting work is through. They tackle a host of off-duty challenges with the same amount of intensity as they do their day jobs. They juggle other work, go back to school, manage relationships with their spouses, raise their children, and some are even navigating the emotionally hazardous world of dating.


Adjunct Professor Girls

ADJUNCT PROFESSOR GIRLS is the rollicking, real-action show that puts you on the fast track of a New England private Liberal Arts College. Check out the group of tough and sexy young co-eds strive to teach and play to win.

Every non-scripted ADJUNCT PROFESSOR GIRLS episode follows the women as they square off against each other on campus and then face everyday challenges with life partners and bosses off-campus.

From the creative team that brought you MTV megahit, "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County," ADJUNCT PROFESSOR GIRLS captures the rich detail of the faculties over-the-top antics and adrenaline-drenched lectures that are inspiring women across the country. Like any great academic story, ADJUNCT PROFESSOR GIRLS is rife with hotshots and hellions, rebels and rascals, the unsung and the underhanded - first-class competitors all. It's just that these sassy scholars sport fishnets beneath their corduroys.


Female Circumsized

FEMALE CIRCUMSIZED captures a fledgling new clitorectomy hut and its impetuous staff. The show takes place glamorous plains of Tanzania, known for its celebrated artists and innovative designs. Watch as tribesman try to take the hut to the next level while also managing an unpredictable mix of mutilation artists and shop helpers.


And a lot more stuff about World War II.

You might say I'm burning bridges, but my only regret is that I won't be there to get a severance package when the place crumbles.

All Wii are saying...is give peace a chance

I'm happy to report that the guy who was shot waiting in line for Playstation 3 has regained his health...by eating a chicken leg he found on the ground.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Pornographers are smarter than me

My new favorite pornstar name: Paige Turner

Take that, Michael J. Cox! Yeah, take it! You love it!

Yo quiero food poisoning

Taco Bell gives you E.Coli.

Smunchy.