Proverbs

Haste makes waste...especially Burger King.

Wah wah.

My grandmother had a refrigerator magnet that said "Haste makes waist."
I'm not that wise.

What I learned from Wikipedia (1/11/07)

-Spider-man:
"After he returns to Earth, however, Peter discovers that the costume is actually an alien symbiote bent on permanently bonding with its host. Peter eventually rejects and defeats the symbiote, but it merges with reporter Eddie Brock, becoming the villain known as Venom. Brock is imprisoned and removed from his symbiote but then escapes from prison when the symbiote returns. His cell-mate, Cletus Kasady (a serial killer), merges with an infant symbiote that Venom left behind, thus becoming another villain, Carnage.banana."

- Rosie O'Donnell:
"In 1988, she transitioned to VH1, where she hosted Stand-up Spotlight, a showcase for up-and-coming comedians. She soon after made her feature film debut in A League Of Their Own.


fatttttttttttttttttttttt whale, :]"

- The original line of "With a Little Help from My Friends" was "What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you throw a tomato at me?"

Rant in B Minor

Black is not a color
What the hell is wrong with you? Of course it's a color. Look I'm glad you took Art Appreciation and you're trying to sound smart, but then what the hell is it? You don't buy "absence of light pants" you get BLACK pants. I can SEE it, they are dyed into that COLOR.
Oh, so it's a shade? That makes even less sense.

The thumb is not a finger
Okay, Professor Genius, what the hell is it? It's part of the hand and the extensions of the hand are fingers. Just tell me what exactly it is...hmm?

Deleted Scene

Hooper, Quint, and Dan sit on the transom. Hooper
takes a long pull from a bottle of Quint's home brew.
Quint is railing at them, all a little smacko.

QUINT
Close call, my ass. A baby dogfish
in a laboratory? See this thumb?

Quint flaunts his thumb, a checkerboard of scar tissue.

HOOPER
(handing back the
bottle)
You've got the monopoly, huh? Here!

Hooper rolls up his trouser leg boasting a crescent scar on
his calf.

HOOPER
Look at this one.

QUINT
(snorts)
Beauty mark.

Quint starts to pull up his own pant leg.

HOOPER
Bull-shark scraped me. I was down
getting samples, and he ---

QUINT
(puts his leg on
Hooper's lap)
Mako! Match that!

DAN
I burned my finger lighting a
scented candle.

They glare at him.

DAN
(Holds up his index
finger.)
See? It's okay now...

Things that make me LOL

Me: You're going to medieval times?
Girlfriend: Yes, for Bess's bday
Me: That's so feudal!

Maybe this is why no one called me concerned for my safety during the gas leak.